Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Choque de Costumbre

Well, it finally happened! Marco and I had our first real culture clash on Monday. I invited him to come to a soloist concert since I was playing in the orchestra which was accompanying the soloists. I knew it was going to be a nice concert and I really wanted him to hear it. Anyway, he came and sat down in the row that I had put my things and I saw him so I blew him a kiss and waved hello thinking that it was a sufficient way to say hello and acknowledge him. In the mean time we went down off the stage to sit in the back and wait for the first song to be played so we could all go up together as an orchestra. Meanwhile, Marco was waiting for me to come and say hello until finally he got a call from a friend asking if he could do him a favor. Marco, thinking that I didn't really want him to be there, accepted and left the concert before it started. He did wave to me and let me know that my stuff was still in the chair where I had put it. I, not knowing any better, thought he had left to go talk to someone on the phone and that he would be back soon. The concert started and Marco was no where to be found. We played some more and still no Marco. Finally, I knew he wasn't coming back and decided to call him after the concert was over.

When I called him I asked him what happened thinking that maybe there had been an emergency or something work related. He responded with, I had other things to do. What do you mean other things to do? Honestly, he said, I was upset and uncomfortable that you never came over to say hello to me. I saw other people from the orchestra doing that and you just sat in the back with your friends and talked while I waited. Finally I left because I figured I might as well put my time where it was needed and wanted. I, of course, broke down and started crying while trying to explain to him that typically when someone goes to a concert they don't expect to get a greeting from the person that is in the show or concert until afterward when everyone comes down and thanks all the guests for coming. It didn't even occur to me that I would be offending him by not saying hello. I thought the kiss I blew him was sufficient. Obviously, I was wrong. I understand that he felt uncomfortable but to leave? I felt hurt by that. I was supposed to go out to La Romana to share pizza with my coworkers and the soloists but I didn't feel like it. I needed to get home to resolve the issue. When I got home I cried some more and we talked it out in about 20 minutes. Both of us realize that when it comes to miscommunication it is not something that we should feel bad about for too long because we didn't know any better. No one is to blame and no one should feel hurt because it wasn't intentional. The night ended nicely and we watched a movie cuddling.

I am sure that there will be more occasions in which miscommunication will occur but I feel so fortunate to have such a wonderful man who immediately and calmly expresses himself without blowing up or allowing anything to brew. I am so glad he isn't passive aggressive. That is the worst. Seriously, I am super lucky and it is a great that little challenges like this show me that we just need a little bit of time to explain ourselves and to apologize and come to an understanding. We both agree that we have to meet each other half way and that neither one should just do everything so that the other one feels completely comfortable. It gives me faith that this relationship is going to last. :)

My mom says that me not saying hello to him shows that he is still nervous about me possibly not loving him as much as he loves me and that he might lose me. I poo poo that but she may have a point. Either way, I love him dearly and more than I have ever loved any man in my life.

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